Storgata: august 2011

lørdag 27. august 2011

Love? Life?

From we're small children we're told that love hurts. Books, movies, tv-shows, they all say it, love hurts. I dont think thats true. Im not hurting because I'm in love. I'm not hurting because he says he loves me back, cause I believe he does. I'm hurting cause he's not willing to give in to it. He wont give me any actuall proof that he does. Theres always a certain insecurity; is it today he's gonna tell me it cant last, that it was all a mistake? or is he gonna pretend its all good?
I dont think its good to always be scared, always be feeling like this exact second is the last one. That after now theres nothing. And if it really was true, that after ive written this i simply stop existing... Im not sure who would care. Would anyone care? Or would it all be an act. Cause of course people would be sad, deaths are sad. But would they really care? And would they be sad for what that meant to them, or what it meant to me? I wish I knew, cause maybe then I wouldnt be so sad and scared all the time. Always feeling like im always second best. I know I am, ive been sitting all night trying to figuire out if I'm number one in anyones hearts or heads or whatever desides who we care about. And I dont think I am. I know Im only 15, and I know I think way too much. But shouldnt I still feel like I matter? atleast a little bit? I think I should.... but maybe Its true what they say; Im just a little girl, I dont understand things like this.